so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need water and some morals
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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