she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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