Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
