There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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