she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
