Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.