you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...