One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
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i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.