So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
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My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch