even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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