have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
