dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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