i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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