I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
