at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
