Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it glows. i had to have it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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