I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
