...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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