**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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