mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
