Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Couch. On fire.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
