hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize