Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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