I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
