Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Damn victory sex feels great
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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