thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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