I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
