at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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