also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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