You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
