How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
