im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
