dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
