i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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