I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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