guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
