So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
