I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
