shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
