i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
