Yo dont text me then not text me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
