im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think my mom watched the whole time
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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