I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
