Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Boobs are out for the taking
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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