Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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