No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
