How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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