you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
