just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
