After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I enjoy the company of your penis
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
