I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
