It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
