Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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