i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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