Will you blow on my dice?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
