I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
