I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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