Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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