If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
